Fabulous, I was told. "I cried three times," People said. "So amazing, you must see it." Reluctant as I was, I allowed myself to be dragged to a Screening Room 3 to watch the bloodbath take place. I tried to make a run for it, but by this point it was already too late. My fate was sealed.
My first most obvious observation was the singing. Constant yowling. All I wanted to ponder was what I'd be eating afterwards; instead I was assaulted by the sight of a new celebrity bursting onto screen every couple of seconds, no doubt with a touching ballad to deliver. Apparently, I am uncultured. I didn't realise Russell Crowe was Russell Crowe until the bitter end. Twice I asked my tearful friend "why won't he just fuck off?" only to be greeted with sobs.
What was so sad about it?! Hugh Jackman finds his way eventually. He and young Cosette (Courgette) get away and Russell Crowe ends up leaping to his death. Everything is fine! Only then does Hugh Jackman's pride get the better of him, causing him to race away, leaving the freckled man from My Week With Marilyn (allegedly goes by the name Eddie Redmayne) to marry irritating, doe eyed Amanda Seyfried (Courgette, all grown up).
The only highlights were Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron-Cohen. I love Helena in pretty much everything ever, so she was a given. They were brilliant at being yellow toothed and penny pinching. I particularly enjoyed when they crashed Courgette's wedding. Not quite how Busted would do it, but still in a vastly tasteless and unashamed manner.
I probably should have appreciated this film, but to be honest the McDonalds I devoured afterwards was much more exciting.
Mollie Kerslake
No comments:
Post a Comment