Alternative Oscar Categories 2014

Whether you find them joyous or soul-destroying, I'm sure everyone on the planet can agree: The Academy Awards are Kind of a Big Deal. There's just a few hours to go to see if the Academy will inevitably mess up and give out the wrong awards to the wrong people, but in these tense moments, we should relax, unwind, and just accept that everyone in Hollywood is rich and powerful and we are not therefore there is nothing we can do. Instead, while you're praying for 12 Years to luck out or crossing your fingers for Gravity, you can regale yourself with some of the categories that we think the Academy should consider adding to their ceremony, and their very deserving winners.

Best Hair

Lea Seydoux - Blue is the Warmest Colour

Javier Bardem - The Counsellor

The Cast of Anchorman 2

Amy Adams - American Hustle

I spent the whole of American Hustle mesmerised by Amy Adams's curves. And no, perverts, I'm not talking about her T and A here, I'm talking about the perfect curl of her ringlets. Seriously, her hair in this film is how I dream my hair will look when I get out of bed every day. (Instead, I end up looking more like Christian Bale, minus being balding with bits of fluff glued to my head) Adams's hairstyles in the film vary from soft waves to the volcanic eruption of curls pictured above, and pulls each of them off with ease. 

GBP

Best Inappropriate Relationship

Mia Wasikowska & Matthew Goode – Stoker

Jonah Hill & his cousin – The Wolf of Wall Street 

Benedict Cumberbatch & Julianne Nicholson – August: Osage County

2013 was the year of a lot of incestuous relationships in film, a worrying amount in fact. In Stoker it’s creepy; in The Wolf of Wall Street it’s funny and in August: Osage County it’s just plain sad. But, let’s face it guys Benedict Cumberbatch looks inbred-y anyway so the big twist *SPOILERS* that he’s actually been shagging his sister isn’t that shocking but we’ll award him it anyway.

BJ

Best Soundtrack

Her

Only Lovers Left Alive

Drinking Buddies

Frances Ha

Inside Llewyn Davis

It's a draw! The soundtracks for the new Coens and Baumbach films are so different, and yet both so perfect. With Inside Llewyn Davis, the soundtrack is a core part of the film. Without it, it would just be a sad film about a man and a cat. The music of this film - actually performed by its cast by the way, which adds another reason to a very long list of why Oscar Isaac is the best person ever - is glorious, and also helps give the characters an extra level of depth. Plus Oscar Isaac has like, the dreamiest voice ever. PLUS ADAM DRIVER AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DO A SONG AND IT IS PERFECT.

Moving on to Frances Ha - which coincidentally, also stars Adam Driver - which has a more mixtape-like approach when it comes to its soundtrack. Just like ILD, music is crucial to the film, and not just any music, but music from other films. Baumbach was inspired by the French New Wave when he made the film, hence why he uses the infamous music from The 400 Blows in the film. And in one of the greatest scenes in the film, Frances skips and twirls across the street to David Bowie's Modern Love - a cheeky and accidental reference to Leos Carax's weird and wonderful Mauvais Sang. It also features Hot Chocolate's second finest song, played oddly enough during a montage of Greta Gerwig loafing around Paris.
GBP

Best McConaughey 

Matthew McConaughey – Mud

Matthew McConaughey – The Paperboy 

Matthew McConaughey – Dallas Buyers Club

Matthew McConaughey – The Wolf of Wall Street 

What a year for Matthew McConaughey. Once the go-to lead for rom-coms, he’s now the front runner for Best Actor tonight. Although it’s not the film he’s nominated for, his improvised chest pumping scene from the Wolf of Wall Street is one of the most memorable of the year. It’s also his own personal relaxation technique that he does before scenes and he has even said he’ll probably be doing it tonight on the way to the Oscars. 

BJ

Best Actor Not Nominated

Oscar Isaac - Inside Llewyn Davis

Ethan Hawke - Before Midnight

James Mccavoy - Filth

Sam Rockwell - The Way, Way Back (and like everything he's ever been in EVER)
Joaquin Phoenix - Her

The fact that Joaquin Phoenix wasn't even nominated for his modest, quiet turn in Her this year is completely beguiling. Even in years where he was pretty much guaranteed to lose - such as last year for The Master up against Daniel Day-Lewis - he at least garnered a nomination, but this year, The Academy just chose to ignore him. This could be in part due to the fact that he pretty much said he doesn't give a shit about the Oscars, or partly due to the strong contenders already in that category. Nevertheless, his performance is as usual, pretty damn flawless in a film that I do not mind pointing out has a fair few flaws. It's easy to forget how a Joaquin Phoenix can be simultaneously funny and heartbreaking, subtle and powerhouse, but luckily he's here to remind you just how good he can be.

GBP

Best Actress Not Nominated

Paulina Garcia - Gloria

Greta Gerwig - Frances Ha

Julie Delpy - Before Midnight

Adele Exarchopoulos - Blue is the Warmest Colour

Brie Larson - Short Term 12

Short Term 12 basically doesn't exist in Academy terms, as it managed to gain an impressive amount of... ZERO nominations, however for a little indie film it's really great, and manages to be absolutely devastating without falling into cliched melodrama territory too much. Like Phoenix, Brie Larson manages to keep her performance low-key, and it's only towards the end of the film that we actually find out what's going on in her head. Were she nominated for an award, or had she gone on to win one, this could easily have been the type of performance that could've turned Larson's career into something incredible. Sadly it looks like we'll have to wait a few years for her inevitable award-winning film.

GBP

Worst Accent

Shia LeBeouf

I haven't even seen Nymphomaniac yet but just judging by this clip from the film's trailer, we have a winner! Yikes. Nothing is gonna beat this.

GBP

Best Facial Hair

Joaquin Phoenix - Her

Michael Fassbender - 12 Years a Slave

Oscar Isaac - Inside Llewyn Davis

James Mccavoy - Filth

George Clooney - The Monuments Men

Precise, defined, sophisticated - Clooney's moustache is pretty much everything that his film sadly wasn't. Compared to Fassbender, Mcavoy and Isaac's wonderful array of beards, (extra kudos must go to Mcavoy for the brown hair/ginger beard combo) this moustache isn't extravagant. It doesn't want to draw attention to itself, and it doesn't need to - just look whose face it's sitting on. I bet it took you a while to even realise Clooney had a moustache in that photo because you were too busy swooning.

GBP

Best Performance in a Bad Film

Dane Dehaan - Kill Your Darlings

Gaby Hoffman - Crystal Fairy and the Magical Cactus

Bradley Cooper - American Hustle

Kristen Scott-Thomas - Only God Forgives

Cate Blanchett - Blue Jasmine

Otherwise known as the "being slightly controversial just because it's Awards season and I'm bored" award. I'm SORRY but I personally didn't think much of any of these films, and while I've picked out Blue Jasmine as the winner of this award, it certainly isn't the worst of the bunch. In fact, Cate Blanchett's superb performance in it almost tricks you into thinking it's wonderful - it's only afterwards that you realise it left a slightly bad aftertaste in your mouth. Cate Blanchett is wonderful because she's a heavy drinking neurotic mess, which is pretty much everything you would imagine Cate Blanchett isn't. I would be more than happy for her to receive the Oscar for this performance... it's just a shame that it has to be for this film. (Also, because I'm sure people will confused about this - Bradley Cooper is on the list because I thought he was really surprisingly good in American Hustle? Maybe it's because I find him a little too convincing when he's playing absolutely pathetic slimeballs....)
GBP

Best Effort

Leonardo DiCaprio -  The Great Gatsby

Oh poor Leo. I’m sure he thought that playing the lead role in an adaption of a classic was sure to be the one. Too bad the release date got moved from last award season to summer blockbuster season. And so, for second year running our pal, Leo takes the award for Best Effort.

BJ

Worst Effort

Leonardo DiCaprio – The Wolf of Wall Street

Real talk here: do you really believe that playing a drug taking, rich, partying, generally corrupt, shagging dickhead is a stretch for Leo? COME ON! All he does is shag young models and play about on his yachts! Him and his friends even named themselves the Pussy Posse! 

BJ

Best Overlooked Film

Before Midnight

Short Term 12

Blue is the Warmest Color

Inside Llewyn Davis

Were I a Harvey Weinstein-like figure in Hollywood, (A girl can dream I guess) Inside Llewyn Davis would definitely be the film that I would be plugging during Awards season. Really, the fact that I have anything left to say about it after ranting and raving on social networks and to my peers astounds me. But it is just so good, a quiet little gem of a film that sadly justifies the fact that it was snubbed at the Oscars purely because it's about a guy who's pretty much walked out of Beck's much beloved 1994 classic. The soundtrack, beards and performances I have already briefly mentioned, but there are so many other elements that go towards making this such a great film, cinematography and art direction being just two of them. (Also, Adam Driver. Singing Cowboy. Just gonna keep pressing that.) I saw it three times in the cinema - the first time I liked it, the second I loved it, and the third I adored it. Every time I watched it, I found something else in it that I'd never noticed before, and I can't help but think that maybe the Academy skipped the rewatch (probably due to the length of Wolf of Wall Street?!) and took it at face value.

GBP

Grace Barber-Plentie and Beth Johnston

Top 5 Films to Watch on Galentine's Day

“Galentine’s Day” created by the great and wise Leslie Knope in Parks & Recreation is celebrated before Valentine’s Day on February 13th. It is a celebration of female friendship and in honour of that, here are five Galentine’s Day themed films to watch on the day (or to watch alone on Valentine’s Day, we’re not here to judge).

Bridesmaids (2011)

What’s it about?

Annie (Kristen Wiig) and Lillian (Maya Rudolph) have been best friends since they were kids. Now that Lillian is getting married, Annie clashes with her best friend’s new friend Helen over the role of maid of honour. Literal shit jokes and drunken plane flights ensue

What makes it a Galentine’s Day film?

The main focus of the film is on Annie and Lillian’s friendship and how Annie struggles with her best friend’s life changing. The main six cast members are also all women and very funny women. And Wilson Philips are in it!!!

Legally Blonde (2001)

What’s it about?

After being dumped by her boyfriend, Warner, for not being smart enough, Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon), follows him to Harvard Law School and slowly realises she doesn’t need him and is actually a brilliant lawyer. 

What makes it a Galentine’s Day film?

Although Elle goes to law school to get her boyfriend back, she ends up realising she doesn’t need him and instead ends up winning her first case and becomes valedictorian! She also becomes best friends with Warner’s new girlfriend Vivian. 

Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997)

What’s it about?

Romy (Mira Sorvino) and Michele (Lisa Kudrow) go to their high school reunion and lie about having wildly successful lives as the inventors of Post-It Notes to impress their ex-classmates who tortured them in high school. And of course, things don’t go smoothly.

What makes it a Galentine’s Day film?

It’s all about friendship and being yourself which, as we all know, are both very good things. There’s also an interpretative dance number to Cyndi Lauper’s ‘Time After Time’ between Romy, Michele and Michele’s love interest, Sandy (shown above)

She’s the Man (2006)

What’s it about?

After Viola’s (Amanda Bynes) girls football team gets suspended, she disguises herself as her brother to sneak into elite boarding school and join the boy’s football team. From this description, it should be fairly obvious that the script was based on Shakespeare’s ‘Twelfth Night’. Also Tobias Funke is in it. 

What makes it a Galentine’s Day film?

Although Viola ends up with Channing Tatum as her boyfriend it isn’t the reason she goes through everything. The reason she disguises herself as a boy is to prove that she is equal to a man. Yay a funny feminist teen film!

Frances Ha (2013)

What’s it about?

Frances (Greta Gerwig) is a dancer who spends most of the film couch surfing after her best friend Sophie (Mickey Sumner) moves out. Frances struggles with the growing distance between her and her bestie. These struggles include sharing an apartment with Adam Driver and going to Paris – how awful. 

What makes it a Galentine’s Day film? 

A realistic portrayal of female friendship AND no romantic plot? What more could you ask for in a film? That’s right, nothing else.

Beth Johnston

The Best Film Moments of 2013

2013 has been a veritable feast for brilliant moments in film, regardless of the quality of the overall motion pictures themselves. It's hard to pick just a few moments that stand out from the bunch, particularly as the undeniably greatest moment I've witnessed in the cinema this year belongs to a film that isn't actually out until 2014, (three words - Please Mr Kennedy) but here is just a small selection of the moments that have kept me laughing, crying, or simply glued to the screen this year. (A few spoilers ahead, obviously)

Song and Dance - I'm So Excited!

I've already charted my love of this film in my review earlier this year, so instead of gushing over how much I enjoyed Almodovar's latest bonkers and hilarious offering, I'll skip to straight to the brilliance of this clip. It's probably obvious by now that I have a penchant for song and dance numbers in film, and this scene really is one of the best. The dance is absolutely hilarious and oddly riveting, and is brilliantly juxtaposed by the looks of absolute horror that the plane's passengers give their air stewards.

Modern Love - Frances Ha

If I had my way, this list would be comprised solely of clips from Frances Ha, but I've forced myself to show a little self restraint and just pick the one. This scene, a loving ode to New York and Greta Gerwig's wonderful awkwardness is also an accidental homage to an equally brilliant scene in Leos Carax's Mauvais Sang - allegedly he chose Bowie's Modern Love to score the scene and only afterwards realised the connection. This scene provides just a small glimpse into one of the most sincere and wonderful films of the year... and conveniently enough, isn't even available on Youtube. 

Look At My Shit - Spring Breakers

I wasn't actually a fan of Harmony Korine's hedonistic latest release, (but read our review here for a different opinion) but even I can see that James Franco's monologue here is an absolute masterpiece. Is it satire, commenting on how much we treasure our possessions, or is the scene used just to show off how cool Alien's pad is? Who knows. I'm not even sure Korine does. But this scene is so gleefully over the top - Franco must be having the absolute time of his life - that it's hard not to watch it in a state of slight awe. After watching Alien cooing over his shell-shaped base board and aftershaves, the films we've seen this year seem pale in comparsion. Jay Gatsby, eat your heart out. 

Ending Scene - Drinking Buddies

Joe Swanberg's departure from low-budget mumblecore into... slightly higher budget mumblecore may have been well reviewed, but it was heinously over-looked this year. The film's naturalistic approach to male/female friendship that could at any moment bloom into something more (and, judging by the film's ending, does, if you're one of those people who reads the ending of The Apartment as the start of a beautiful relationship) is so well written and well acted that it's incredible it never got more attention. Aside from this lovely, simple scene in which the two main characters silently reconcile after an argument through food and beer, it also features some of my absolute favourite dialogue of the year - "What the theme of our bar going to be again?" "Reservoir Dogs meets Casablanca, I've told you a million times!" It's impossible to watch this film, and especially this scene, without a wry smile on your face.

Marcus's Rap - Short Term 12

Here, technology has failed me somewhat, because the rap that Keith Stanfield performs in this scene (or at least, a remix of it, the original the features in the film is far more stark and stripped back)  is on Youtube, yet the powers that will be will not allow me to put it in this actual post. Short Term 12 is a film full of brilliant little moments, some of them funny - such as the monologues about his time working at the facility that John Gallager Jr's character uses to bookend the film - and some of them utterly powerful and heart-wrenching, such as this scene. Short Term 12's oldest resident, Marcus, is leaving the facility in a few short weeks, and has been acting out. Through a rap that he performs with careworker Mason accompanying him on a basic drum, he vents his frustrations and also reveals his past to the audience. So good is the rap that it has been (unless I'm making this up out of sheer will) put on the longlist for Best Original Song at 2014's Academy Awards. 

I Follow Rivers - Blue is the Warmest Colour

Blue is the Warmest Colour is now infamous for a set of scenes that are very different in tone to this one, but this very short scene shows a side of the main character Adele that we do not see often in this illuminating but at times very hard to watch film - we see her as the teenager that she is, laughing, having fun and dancing with her friends. While the performances of the film's lead actresses, Lea Seydoux and Adele Exarchopoulos, the film's director makes it clear here the the true subject of the film  is Adele. Although in a group of people, it is possible not to notice her presence, and the camera is constantly drawn back to her face in a moment of rare unadulterated happiness. 

Piano Scene - Stoker

Stoker was an hour of a half of surreal madness, (although, who expected anything less from the director of the dark and twisted Oldboy) some of it, such as the cringe-worthy shower scene, perhaps not paying off. But this rapidly paced scene in which India duets with her Uncle on the piano - OR DOES SHE?! - is wonderful, and shows just how good a director Park Chan-Wook can be if he's given the right scene to direct. 

Turbulence - Flight

Everyone seems to have forgotten about Flight - mainly because it really wasn't the great - but it's worth refreshing your brain with this scene towards the beginning of the film, in which Denzel Washington's inebriated pilot manages to drive a plane through turbulance and safely land it... upside down. The film's by the director of Forest Gump, so anything goes here really. After the plane's landed, the film begins to tail off, but these ten minutes show just how good it could have been. 

Opening Shot - Gravity

Yet another reason that nobody remembers Flight anymore is due to just how tacky and dreadful it would look in comparison to Gravity's masterful and breathtaking opening shot. I've ooh and ahh-ed over this shot already, as have about a thousand other people, but this unbroken 13 minute long shot really is the pinacle of modern filmmaking, and will definitely still be discussed in 10 years time when talking about the best film openings of all time. 

The Gimp - This is the End

I confess somewhat guiltily, This is the End was one of my favourite films of the year. I've always been a sucker for initally awful looking but surprisingly good "bro" comedies, (such as last year's 21 Jump Street) and Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg's directorial debut did not disappoint. Well, apart from the special effects. More on that over here. As all the actors in the film played themselves, there were cameos aplenty, making it very hard to choose just one - it was a tie between this and the "is this amazing or the weirdest thing ever?!" ending - but Channing Tatum suddenly popping up for a minute long cameo as Danny McBride's love gimp was perfect. 

Hotel Room Fight - Before Midnight

Before Midnight was a film of two distinctive halves: (oh, and what wonderful halves they were - and you don't believe me, here's our review) the "before" and the hotel room. While I may have preferred the breezy and humorous tone of the first half of the film, showing Jesse and Celine as a family after 7 years (!!!!) of viewers not knowing what became of their relationship. But the film's dialogue, co-written by the film's stars, truly comes into it's own in the second half, a bitter, painful fight that the couple shares in the hotel room that has been gifted to them by their friends for the night. There are still comic moments - Celine storms in and out of the room in fits of rage - but it's definitely more serious, and subtly reveals what's been happening for the past 7 years without the dialogue ever become too wooden. Because we've invested so much in these characters in their relationship over three films, this scene is painfully tense not just for the characters but for us too. After all these years, after finally getting together, are they really going to throw away their relationship? The scene leaves you on tenterhooks. 

Opening Shot - The Place Beyond the Pines

The Place Beyond the Pines didn't do too much to impress me after it's first "act" starring the always swoon-worthy Ryan Gosling - a pity considering how in love I am with Derek Cianfrance's wonderful Blue Valentine - but the 45 or so minutes that open the film really are wonderful, particularly the film's opening shot, a long unbroken take of Gosling walking through a fair, preparing to perform his cage biking act. It's inexplicable to say why (although perhaps it's due in part to the menacing looking knife that he performs a trick with at the beginning of the scene) but there's something ominous about the scene, as though - while not explicitly - it foreshadows the grim nature of the events that will follow. It really is a wonderful shot, and an even better way to open a film, even if the rest of it is perhaps less wonderful.

Do you agree with my choices? What would you have chosen? Let us know in our comments box. 

Grace Barber-Plentie