Top Ten Bathroom Scenes

Bathroom scenes in films serve vary purposes. Some can be used for, quite literally, toilet humour. Others be used for beautiful and moving scenes. Sometimes a bully wants to stick your head down the loo for looking at him the other way. Or perhaps a director has included a scene of something in a bathroom for extesential purposes, to remind an audience that they and the film character are one and the same, that even film characters need to use the toilet. (But usually it's just for toilet humour) Whatever the reason, there have been some great bathroom scenes over the years, and here are my pick of ten of the best.

10. Austin Powers

Here is one of the lighter examples on our list, and a perfect example of toilet humour. For reasons completely unbeknownst to me, I do have a soft spot for Austin Powers films, and this scene in particular, while not exactly the sophisticated brand of humour I usually go for, does make me chuckle a little bit.

9. Rules of Attraction

Word of warning to those of you with a weak disposition, this scene might make you a little faint. I have certain rules when it comes to violence - I can handle anything from decapitated bodies to machine guns, stabbing to shoving. But three things that I cannot handle, under any circumstances, are acts of violence associated with eyes, wrists or scalps. Therefore this scene is somewhat of an uncomfortable experience for me. But then again, that's clearly what the director was aiming for. Generally, with suicide in films, we'll see someone downing a bottle of films, and the next minute, they're dead. It's a rarity for us to be given this long view of someone literally dying in front of our eyes, and it certainly ain't pretty. And choosing to set in in a bathroom only reinforces the methodical, clinical, almost "clean" nature of this act. Let's move on to lighter territory, shall we?

8. Pretty in Pink

Oh Duckie, it should have been you. Not only does he have the best clothes, the best taste in music and is generally adorable, he also gets this show-stealing scene. Just thinking about this scene when I see a tampon machine will elicit a giggle from me. 

7. There's Something About  Mary

Luckily - or unluckily, depending on how you view it - the now legendary "zipper scene" from this film was absent from Youtube during my search. Aw, remember those long-gone years when the Farrelly Brothers were actually (moderately) funny? While their brand of humour may have been more of the gross-out brand, there is something both horrific and comical about Ben Stiller's look of pure horror and anguish on his face as he gets his - ahem - caught in the zipper of his trousers just before his big date. Just like the Farrelly's plunge into failure, that's gotta hurt.

6. The Big Lebowski

This is another wince-inducer, but for very different reasons. Poor Dude, all he wanted was to have a bath, and the next thing he knows, there's a ferret in there with him. I think we can all emphasize with - Yeah, maybe not. The quick pace of this scene means there's barely time for the audience - or The Dude - to pause and think, "What the hell just happened?". But that is the magic of Lebowski after all - one minute you're bowling, and the next minute there's a ferret sharing your dirty water. Also kudos on the candles Dude - very righteous. 

5. Bridesmaids

Bridesmaids is wonderful due to the fact that, not only did it show every dumb male who naturally assumed women couldn't be funny that they were severely incorrect, but that it also finally put an end to the classic "OMG women don't use the toilet or burp or fart they don't even have a hole down there" lameness that has been going on for year. (Apologies, the nature of this post is getting to me and I'm becoming as crass as some of these videos) Here is a video that shows, not only women burping and farting, but women throwing up on each other, and defecating in sinks. While one of these actions may be true to (drunken) life and the other more belongs in a Human Centipede film, any film that helps dispel the myth that women don't "go" is brilliant. Plus this scene, as with Bridesmaids as a whole, is hilarious. 

4. The Royal Tenenbaums

The first time that I watched this scene, I had to cover my eyes. (For reasons similar to those I have already expressed whilst talking about Rules of Attraction) Yet the more times I've seen this film, one of my all-time favourites, the more I've grown to love it. As with every Wes Anderson film, the aesthetic is crucial - the dim lighting and bright blue background, the subtle jump cuts - he shows us in this scene that he is able to show real, bitter human emotions through the screen, and not just whimsical dance scenes on sunny beaches. Also, who would've known Luke Wilson, otherwise known as "the Wilson brother with the normal nose" was such a great actor, am I right? The complete sorrow in his eyes, eesh, it's almost too much. Oh, and one last important point - the soundtrack. I believe it was this scene that introduced me to the spine-tingling music of Elliott Smith and for that I will always be grateful. 

3. La Haine

This scene can be read two ways - as a deep philosophical anecdote that is relevant to the characters in the film, or just the film's director trying to use up some free time by roping in an old man to tell a rambling "In my day" story. While I'd love to believe the latter, I do believe that there is a deeper significance to this scene, particularly the old man's opening remarks - "Do you believe in God? Wrong question. Does God believe in us?" It's the looks of complete bewilderment that really make this scene, and are testament to the fact that sometimes an audience and the characters in a film can be just as bewildered by the events unfolding in front of them.

2. Psycho

If you're reading this and aren't singing the music in your head or out loud, then you're a bad person. There's really little to say about Psycho that hasn't been said before. This scene revolutionized film, and was also the first film of all-time ever to show an actual toilet! If you ever want to prove Hitchcock's genius to someone, I think this would be the scene to do it. I'm a bit sad really because I'm getting rusty on my Psycho facts - I used to know how many cuts there were in this scene. Instead, I can bestow upon you the facts that the blood in this scene is chocolate syrup, and that the stabbing sounds were made by stabbing a melon. 

1. Trainspotting

This is, without a doubt, one of the most brilliant toilet scenes (and also one of the most disgusting) ever. The move from "The Worst Toilet in Scotland" to Renton's serene underwater paradise is, and always will be, hilarious. If you can stomach this scene then you're in luck, as there's another involving defecation in the film. However this scene and it's fantasy element will always win for me, as it shows and audience, through use of a fantasy sequence, the lengths people will go to for drugs, but still manages to keep it light and funny.

Grace Barber-Plentie

Review: Trance

I cannot begin to describe how frustrating it is to write a review about one of the greatest pieces of cinema to be released this year (well, so far anyway...) and barely be able to talk about it. But then, in a way, I suppose I just did. Trance is the 10th cinematic release from Danny Boyle, flying high off the back of the triumph of the Olympics opening ceremony last year. Sadly the Queen and Mr Bean are nowhere to be seen here, replaced instead by the superior acting talents of James McAvoy, Vincent Cassel, and (Boyle's former girlfriend, so I'm told) Rosario Dawson.

The basic premise of the film, if you're unaware, is that Simon, McAvoy's art auctioneer, is in cahoots with Cassel's smooth ganster to steal a Goya painting worth £25,000. However, after being hit on the head in the midst of the heist, Simon suffers amnesia and manages to forget where he's hidden the painting. Enter Dawson's hypotherapist, Elizabeth, who tries to get the secret out of him in any way necessary. But really, it's so so much more than that. This film, like any really good thriller, sets out of one seemingly predictable path before violently veering off into completely unpredicted territory. Trance may be contemporary in its plot and look, but deep down it borrows cliches, just as any good thriller does. Double indemnity, femme fatales, violence - it's all in there, it just might be subverted in ways that you may not expect.

As well as its bafflyingly brilliant plot, Trance looks incredible. Boyle offers us a vision of London inspired by last year's Olympics - clean, minimal, all reflections and steel and mod-cons. Yet underneath that, there's still the gritty version of our capital that we're all too familiar with. However both versions of London are made to look both dazzling and sinister. Cost-wise, it's quite a step-up for Boyle, especially some of the film's later set pieces, definitely more Sunshine than Shallow Grave. Mirrors and reflections - often cracked or distorted ones - are used constantly, as not-so subtle metaphors for the characters betrayals and secrets. While not the subtlest of metaphors, it works on an aesthetic basis purely because it looks so damn good. And speaking of good, Dawson is simply luminous here. I don't know whether Boyle was aiming for a Tarantino/Uma Thurman thing here, but in every shot she's in, despite the circumstances, she literally glows.

I can't reveal anymore for fear that revealing even more minor plot detail will cause a ball of wool effect and slowly cause you to unravel the whole plot. But all I can do is beg, from the bottom of my heart, that you take a chance and see Trance as soon as possible so that you too can be shocked and wowed by its twists, turns, and visuals, just as I have been.

Grace Barber-Plentie

Best Opening Sequences

Filmmakers have an obligation towards an audience - they have to make them enjoy their film's plot, characters, camerawork, and everything else they've spent months crafting. And how do they do that? They draw them in with a film's opening. In order to make a real impact, a film has to reel you in within the first ten or so minutes, so that your whole attention is on it. There are thousands of films in the world, so it's important to make a lasting impression, otherwise people will turn off your masterpiece and reach for their copy of The Notebook instead. So here are our selection of films that grabbed us from their first few seconds, and created openings so intense, hilarious, or beautiful, that we were hooked.

Beasts of the Southern Wild

I am soooo completely attached to Beasts - basically every part of it is my favourite part of any film. But, the beginning is especially captivating. Opening with a silent, earthy calm, it gradually builds up to a sparkling sequence that will pull you into the spirit of the Southern Wild and make you wish you could stay for always. We’re introduced to the land known as “The Bathtub”; shots of the looming, still sea juxtaposed with the reckless power of the inhabitants on land. “We got the prettiest place on Earth” Wink reflects, and the glimpses of brusque beauty we’re offered make it hard to disagree. The interchanging backdrops of heavy silence and haunting, fresh melodies flow perfectly. Plus, this whole introduction is narrated by Hushpuppy, her headstrong will effortlessly making you fall in love with her homelands, fast. The first eight minutes of this film are an exhilarating mini-adventure - leaving a drop in the pit of your stomach and awakening a fierce will in your heart, to simply: experience.

- Anita Bhadani

Inglorious Basterds

Most of the films on our list jump straight into the action without apologizing, which is all well and good, but sometimes I like to allow myself to become acclimatized to the world of the film that I'm watching. This is certainly the case here, as instead of leaping straight into scenes of Brad Pitt wielding machetes and scalping Nazi's (which we certainly get a lot of later in the film) an audience is instead placed at the bewildering location of a remote French farm. Though unknown at the time, we are introduced to two of the film's most important characters - the Jewhunter Hans Landa, (a deservedly Oscar-winning turn from at the time complete unknown Christoph Waltz) and his target, Shoshanna Dreyfus (Played brilliantly by the beautiful Melanie Laurent). Tarantino agonizingly drags the scene out for as long as possible, adding in twists and turns such as a change in language, to completely throw both the audience and the poor French farmer off the scent completely. When the scene finally reaches its denouncement, it's every bit as horrifying, blood-stained and masterful as you can imagine.

- Grace Barber-Plentie

The Social Network 

Not only is this THE best film of the last ten years, it’s also one of the best openings. It throws you right in at the deep end with ten pages of dialogue that reportedly took 100 takes to film. It forces you to keep up with it. It’s not just an opening scene: it is a standalone cinematic masterpiece. Every time I hear the opening chords of this film followed by “do you know there are more people living in China with genius IQs than there are of any kind living in the United States?” I just get so excited. And yeah that’s right, I do know this opening scene of by heart and for good reason: one day I will get to tell some asshole he is an asshole by using Aaron Sorkin’s badass lines delivered by the even more badass Rooney Mara.

-Beth Johnston

Little Miss Sunshine

One of my favourite opening sequences is that of Little Miss Sunshine. After the slightly melancholy music begins, you are first presented with an extreme close of little Olive Hoover’s big blue eyes through 80’s style glasses starring right at you, or so you think until you notice the reflection of a woman on the TV in her glasses and the unmistakable voiceover of a beauty pageant host. As the music builds we see young, slightly chubby Olive re-winding, re-watching and imitating this plastic, barbie doll woman. After, we are introduced scene by scene to each member of the Hoover family, and slowly it begins to dawn on you that this is a family of failures. “There are two kinds of people in this world, winners and losers.”- Richard Hoover

-Lydia Heathcote

Funny Games

It’s not just the fact that there’s some shrieky death metal music playing in the background. It’s the nonchalant way it’s presented; a jarring soundtrack for a tranquil car journey with a quaint family. The music is bluntly inconsistent with every other aspect of this introduction, introducing the first of many unsettlingly cruel aspects of this film. It sort of makes you doubt yourself - the first time I saw this, I remember wondering to myself the music was all in my head, because it was just so out of place! For making me question my grip on reality within the first five minutes, Funny Games deservedly earns a place on this list.

- AB

The Royal Tenenbaums

When watching a Wes Anderson film, it's easy to count things off of a checklist - (and incidentally, if you ever want to, here's a great one) absent fathers, overheard shots, quirky kids, a sixties soundtrack. The list is endless. While I'm a huge fan of his entire ouevre, I can certainly understand people's views that he prefers style over substance, and the above checklist seems to hammer that home. HOWEVER, Tenenbaums, undoubtedly Anderson's greatest film, uses all of the above and more to place us into the family home of the titular Royal Tenenbaum, just as his marriage disintergrates. (Absent Father, CHECK.) In a voiceover delivered by the deliciously dulcet tones of Alec Baldwin, the audience is taken on a whistlestop tour of the Tenenbaum house to meet its inhabitants. What sets this film and particularly its opening apart from later Anderson films is the real sense of heart in it. He wants us as an audience to like - and equally dislike at times - this flawed family. Plus, as usual with every Wes Anderson film, it sounds great, it looks great, and Bill Murray's in it.
-GBP

Trainspotting 

Well, I don’t even know where to begin with this opening scene. The exhilarating “Lust for Life” playing as our favourite junkies run down Edinburgh’s Princes Street after stealing videos to pay for his heroin addiction from the soon-to-be closed down HMV? The iconic monologue that now adorns the walls of hundreds of teenage boys – who actually fail to grasp its very concept? Maybe as an Edinburgh native, I’m slightly biased in this choice as its fun to watch your hometown in a film but you can’t deny the sheer brilliance of this opening scene. The editing between the 5 aside game where Renton (played by a skinny, unwashed, ginger Ewan McGregor) and his four misfit pals, Spud, Begbie, Sickboy and Tommy is a particular highlight. And overall, it does what any opening scene should do; it makes you want to watch the rest of the film so bad, no matter how many times you’ve seen it before.
-BJ

La Haine

Black and white film La Haine has a beautifully stylistic opening in which the credits are combined. Before the credits Hubert begins telling us a story over a black screen. “Heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper? On his way down past each floor, he kept saying to reassure himself: So far so good... so far so good... so far so good. How you fall doesn't matter. It's how you land”.
Slowly the image of what looks like the earth appears, until a falling lit glass bottle breaks the still oil over the image and sets it alight in a big fiery sea.  After numerous videos of police and rioters, accompanied ironically by Bob Marley’s song Burnin’ and lootin’, for the credits and a news report introducing us to Abdel (who we find out about later on) the screen returns to black. The time 10:38 pops up joined by the noise of a ticking clock until, you hear a gun fire and it cuts to a shot of Said standing in the middle of le banlieue. As the camera moves in to an extreme close up of his face, we wait for his eyes to open. As they do Bob Marley’s Burnin’ and Lootin’ starts playing diegetically somewhere off in the background. The camera switches position to behind Said where we see him facing a long wall of police officers with police vans standing motionless. This well thought out and elegant opening sums up the whole essence and message of the film neatly before it has even really begun, mainly the issue with French society.
-LH

The Dark Knight

You know how with some films there’s that little period at the start where you have to “settle” into the groove of things? This isn’t one of them. Director Christopher Nolan doesn’t spare a single second in delving straight into the cutthroat action of Gotham City. The rush of constant thrills, juxtaposed with the intelligent choreography of the heist has a strangely elegant feel to it. Sort of like a ballet, but with murderous clowns! Flitting between multiple narratives is just one of the many skilful techniques employed to keep us raptly engaged: this introduction strikes the perfect balance between action and intelligence, thrills and substance. I wouldn’t consider myself a die-hard superhero movie fan, but to me, this famous intro definitely lives up to the hype.

- AB

American Beauty

Here's a fun fact - I used to live in American suburbia. Sure, I was two at the time, and it was only for a year, but I watch American Beauty, and I listen to the tales my parents tell me about living in the clone world of Cleveland, and I want to tear my skin off. So it's almost painful watching this film, particularly its opening scene, which so carefully paints for us a picture of the true horrors of suburbia. Everything about this opening works - Spacey's droll voiceover, the panning overhead shot of the neighbourhood juxtaposed by one of Spacey floundering in his beige bedroom, the bright roses like something out of a David Lynch film, and of course, the eerie yet cheery soundtrack. Oh, and that's before we mention the fact that the audience is already aware that our protagonist isn't going to survive the rest of the year. The opening gives us no clues about where the story's heading, yet hooks us along for the ride and invites us into these characters lives.

-GBP

Bring It On 

Look me in the eye and try and tell me you haven’t got this opening chant memorised. Or at least, you wish you had the chant memorised. No one can deny the cinematic achievement that is: Bring It On but it is the opening scene that really makes this film what it is. The bitchiness; the uniforms; the roll call; Kirsten Dunst; Kirsten Dunst’s hair and finally, the shocking reveal that it was all just a dream – the landmark opening of the Bring It On Saga (Seriously, how many films is there now? Four? Five?) Whatever, all jokes aside, I completely, totally and unironically love this opening scene and I will continue to dance AND sing it all day, every day. 
-BJ

Up

Now if the opening of Up doesn’t make your heart ache you are doing life wrong. The opening tells the story of young Ellie and Carl becoming friends over their love of Great explorer Charles Muntz and their life as a loving married couple when they are older. The vibrant, playful colours of the soft animation make it a pleasure to watch besides the adorable yet sometimes harshly realistic narrative accompanied by the elegant sound of strings. This opening sequence reflects on how life often plans out, dreams don’t get fulfilled, and makes this animation distinctly human and relatable, rather than a fantasy world.
-LH

Coming Soon: Our Picks Of This Month's Best Cinema

It’s now March and, whether or not you are happy about it, awards season is officially behind us. But fear not, there are plenty of exciting and GOOD films coming out in the next month to keep us occupied. You just have to dig a little deeper past Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, Broken City, Scary Movie 5, Jack the Giant Slayer and Oblivion. Seriously, just stay away from those ones.

 Stoker – OUT NOW

Oh boy does this look good! The first English-language film from Chan-wook Park (director of the incredible Old Boy) about a strange love triangle between a mother, her daughter and weirdo uncle looks amazing and has been earning great reviews, particularly for Mia Wasikowska and Matthew Goode’s performances.

 Broken – March 8th

I have been waiting for this film for a while for a few reasons: 1) I love Cillian Murphy. 2) The Blur cover used in the trailer is so lovely. 3) Bill Milner from Son of Rambow is in it. And 4) It played at Cannes last year and is actually meant to be pretty good and the young (and probably up and coming) Eloise Lawrence is meant to be brilliant. So, choose your reason and go and see it!

 Side Effects – March 8th

Why is this coming out in March and not in autumn when it would have a better shot at awards season? Oh well, it’s probably in a similar situation to Shutter Island a few years back. Anyway, its Steven Soderbergh supposed last film, it’s a psychological thriller and it looks pretty decent. We get Jude Law’s soothing voice, SERIOUS ACTOR Channing Tatum and Rooney Mara, whose role was originally meant for Blake Lively. Go see it, and let me know if it’s good.

 Oz the Great and Powerful – March 8th

I have no idea who the audience for this film is. Nonetheless, it looks superbly shot and the ratio shift in the trailer was pretty cool. Oz the Great and Powerful is basically a prequel to the Wizard of Oz tells the story of, the insufferable, James Franco as small-time circus magician, Oscar Diggs, on his first journey through Oz. I imagine it’ll be at least visually stunning but perhaps a little bit boring? Who cares, Mila Kunis’ AMAZING Radio 1 interview has got me interested.

 The Paperboy – March 15th

Nicole Kidman peeing on Zac Efron. NICOLE KIDMAN PEEING ON ZAC EFRON. KIDMAN, NICOLE URINATING ON EFRON, ZAC. SATINE PEEING ON TROY BOLTON. I am immediately sold on this film and its trashy amazingness.

 Compliance – March 22nd

I have this problem where I like to read up the synopsis of weird, disturbing films (The Human Centipede, Sleeping Beauty, Chained to name a few), but never actually watch them. And so when I heard about Compliance, I immediately wiki-ed it and found it was based on a crazy 2004 strip search phone prank in America. It stars Dreama Walker (Don’t Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23, anyone?) and it has been praised for its outstanding performances. So if you can handle it, or if unsettling is your thing, you might be interested.

 Trance – March 27th

One of Britain’s best directors, Danny Boyle, latest effort seems very Boyle-y and therefore, pretty good. It stars everyone’s favourite beardy Scot, James McAvoy who plays an art auctioneer who becomes mixed up with a group of criminal partners with a hypnotherapist in order to recover a lost painting. It’s a solid trailer and the poster is really cool, so it’s definitely worth a look.

 Spring Breakers – April 5th

Oh hey, Disney kids running around in bikinis doing bad things! Of course it seems a little gimmicky but this seems like it could be new favourite film. Basically, four college friends rob a shop and go to Florida where they get involved with a corn-rowed, criminal James Franco. Harmony Korine is famous (or infamous?) for his shocking, absurdist, darkly humorous films and I’m sure Spring Breakers will be no different. 

The Place Beyond the Pines – April 12th  

I feel like I have been waiting for this film FOREVER. So Derek Cianfrance, who directed the brilliant Blue Valentine, has reteamed with tattooed Ryan Gosling to make a crime drama about motorcycle stunt rider who turns to robbing banks and is put on a collision course against an ambitious rookie cop. I’m not usually one for crime dramas, but it’s a great cast and so I’m interested to see how this turns out.

Beth Johnston

Review: To The Wonder

I've realised that there are two universes - the "real" one and the one that Terrance Malick inhabits. He used to inhabit the same one as you and I, you see, back when he was making films about teenage murder sprees and war, but as his affinity for nature has grown, he's slowly fallen off the face of our world and into his own one. There are many people that would quite happily give up and join the "Malick"-verse, but unfortunately, I am not one of those.

The film follows the turbulent relationship of Neil (Ben Affleck, minus beard and any distinguishable facial expressions) and Marina (A wistfully beautiful Olga Kurylenko) as the initial lust and beauty wears off as they move to America together. Aside from this main tangent, there is also a storyline (a kind word for a film with pretty much a complete lack of plot) which features Javier Bardem as a Priest who's lost the faith. Oh and Rachel McAdams pops up for a bit as a Cowgirl ex-flame of Affleck's with some issues of her own.

The theme of nature vs love, one that was explored in Malick's last feature, Tree of Life is in full-force here. Marina, a combination of Mad Men's Megan Draper and the eponymous Betty Blue, has a deep connection with nature - as demonstrated  by the fact that she spends a good 3/4 of the movie frolicking in various fields - but, then again, she also has a deep connection with Ben Affleck. (enter snarky comment about Ben Affleck here) In the Malick-verse, this is a true dilemma, hence the need for it to be made into a film lasting almost two hours. It's a shame, as there are moments in the film focusing on the relationship and how toxic it is that are actually quite beautiful, and I could even compare with some of the less harrowing scenes of Blue Valentine. But the beauty of these scenes is immediately juxtaposed by yet another scene of Marina wandering into a field open-armed and staring in awe at some glory of nature.

Every single shot in To the Wonder is stunning, there's no denying that, but eventually you have to wonder whether, whilst Malick planned the film, he spent all his time deciding how each intricate detail of every shot would look, and then let the plot, or rather lack of one, fall into place afterwards. While I prefer a film with a good meaty plot, there are times when I'll accept style over substance, but sadly this isn't one of them. Everything about the film just feels a little too self-indulgent, and while this is a man who's had a long career, you'd think that he'd still want to make a film that would appeal to audiences - and judging by other reviews, I know that there are people out there who love this film, so I might be totally wrong - rather than just himself. So, for the time being anyway, I think I'll stay back in reality, where people hate nature and would rather live in a concrete jungle, than float around the endless fields of the Malick-verse.

Grace Barber-Plentie

Review: Cloud Atlas

Cloud Atlas is the most recent film of The Wachowski’s (most famously known for The Matrix) along with Tom Twyker. Adapted from the original book ‘Cloud Atlas’ the film flips between six story lines, ranging from the tale of a voyager (Jim Sturgess) in 1849 who makes friends with a slave (David Gyasi) while being slowly poisoned by a "doctor"(Tom Hanks). To a tribe living in post-apocalyptic Hawaii in the distant future who are repeatedly attacked by a group of cannibals and haunted by the devil (Hugo Weaving). The tale of a composer (Ben Whishaw) trying to make it big, his letters to his boyfriend (James D’Arcy) and his ultimate decline in metal health. The thrilling story of a journalist (Halle Berry) who helps discover the dodgy goings on in a nuclear plant, to the troubles of a publisher (Jim Broadbent) who ends up trapped in a care home where he and his fellow OAPs plan to escape. And lastly the life of a clone, (Doona Bae)  stuck repeating daily life and serving 'pure bloods' but who ends up turning into the voice of her kind.

All these stories are delicately intertwined showing the consequences that each life has on those in the past, present and future. Throughout the stories themes of love, exploration, courage, belief, faith, barrier breaking and the need to fight for what is important and just, are explored. What is painted upon you is a greater understanding of human nature and those traits that connect each one of us throughout time and space and impact on generations further down the line.

Each story line has multiple characters that are played by the same actors, which was no doubt a daring choice by Tom Tykwer, Andy Wachowski, Lana Wachowski. One that was pulled of effectively as I think it forces the audience to make the connection between each character and the relationships they have with the same people, but in different eras much more plainly obvious. Indeed I think that if this hadn’t been done, the overall effect of the film would have been a lot less powerful and would have ended up just being the confusing tale of different lives for many of audience members.

There are appearances from the either loved or hated Hugh Grant, annoying as he is in most repetitive roles, his presence in this film seems as I see it to be one of purposeful comic intent and so for all you Hugh Grant haters don’t let it put you off going to see what is a well written (if a little long) and directed film, essentially about connections in every form, with some beautiful acting from the likes of Doona Bae, James D’Arcy and Hugo Weaving – who you get to see transformed into a scary old woman, which was for me personally priceless.

Lydia Heathcote

Alternative Oscar Categories

Well, the Oscars are finally tomorow, but after months of hearing about Daniel Day-Lewis's method acting and Hugh Jackman's singing, aren't you a bit tired of it all by now? Unless someone spiked the Academy's drinks while they were voting and they decide that Silver Linings Playbook deserves best film and the whole night descends into chaos, (I pray that somewhere, in an alternate universe this happens.) there will be few surprises tomorrow night. Therefore we've taken it upon ourselves to think up some alternative categories that would definitely liven up the night.

(Winners in bold)

Worst Wig
Tommy Lee Jones - Lincoln
Javier Bardem - Skyfall
Ben Whishaw - Cloud Atlas

This really was a tough category, and, might I add, possibly my favourite. It truly amazes me that in the same year as such incredible make-up moments such as making Joseph Gordon-Levitt look like Bruce Willis, and making Anthony Hopkins look convincingly fat, actors are still forced to wear shocking headpieces for months on end. While Javier Bardem's blonde disaster may have been of his own choosing, Lee Jones was stuck in this nightmare as he was playing a real character. Poor guy. No wonder he constantly looks so pissed-off at awards ceremonies.

Worst Accent
Quentin Tarantino - Django Unchained
Tom Hanks - Cloud Atlas
Sam Rockwell - Seven Psychopaths

Quentin Tarantino is the scariest looking man in Hollywood. (Steve Bushemi is, in my opinion, a close second) This can be proved by the fact that, as I write this, I am using my hand to cover up his photo. Therefore it seems a little cruel that, not only does he decide to put himself in his latest picture, but he decides to do the worst Australian accent of all-time ever. What's ironic is that he - along with fellow nominee Tom Hanks for his dreadful attempt at being Irish - clearly thinks that he's really nailing it. Eeesh. Unlike Tarantino and Hanks, Sam Rockwell's impression of Colin Farrell is deliberately ropey (as seen at 04.06 here) but deserves recognition for being incredibly hilarious.

Most Tearful
Anne Hathaway - Les Miserables
Literally everyone in Les Miserables
Quvenzhane Wallis - Beasts of the Southern Wild

I'm going to imagine here that the reason why Anne Hathaway has won this award does not really need explaining but, just in case you haven't seen this film or are an idiot, I will briefly explain why - all she does is cry. In a very good and Oscar-worthy way, mind you, but nevertheless, half of her performance is crying, and the other half is singing. As, hence their nomination, is the case for pretty much everyone else in Les Mis. And if you've seen Beasts, then you will undoubtedly understand why adorable little Quvenzhane is tearful, and you will probably be welling up yourself just thinking about a certain scene. (I know I am.)

Worst Disguise
Russell Crowe - Les Miserables
The American hostages in Argo

RUSSELL, YOU'VE JUST GOT A CAP ON, WE STILL KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE! YOU'RE FOOLING NOBODY RUSSELL. Yet another of my many criticisms of Les Miserables - How does it take everyone a good twenty minutes to work out that their new buddy is just Javert in a cap? The audience worked it out in about a second because it is THE WORST DISGUISE EVER. And the same goes for Argo, the mind boggles at how hostages can suddenly escape Iran just by styling their hair differently and saying they're making a film. 

Best Beard 
Jason Segel - Five Year Engagement
Christoph Waltz - Django Unchained
Ben Affleck - Argo

Who doesn't appreciate a good beard? They can range from being a good way to add humour into a film (see above) or a way of making someone even more attractive than you ever thought possible (see George Clooney at the BAFTAs.) While Waltz and Affleck's facial decoration is kept pretty standard, Segel's is just plain biazarre. It certainly looks like no beard I have ever seen before, and this is what truly makes it so beautiful. Plus, and whether this is intentional or not, I have no idea, it looks so fake. But I think that just makes it all the more ridiculous. On a side note may I add that Waltz is the only actor here that uses his beard as a prop - several scenes in Django actually feature him stroking it/smoothing it down. But alas, there is no award for beard-stroking.


Best Bromance
Freddie Quell and Lancaster Dodd - The Master
Django and Dr. King Schutlz - Django Unchained
Marty Faranan, Billy Bickle and Hans Kielowski - Seven Psychopaths
Frank and Robot - Robot and Frank
Driss and Phillipe - The Intouchables

Films about Bromance have begun to dominate the box office in recent years. While they are usually comedies about stoners staring Jason Segel/Paul Rudd/Seth Rogen etc, I've decided here to use the term lightly in order to award Best Bromance to the film that best portrays male friendship. Therefore, it goes to The Master. I've sung its praises in our BAFTA Predictions post so I won't do it again, but the way that the film explores a friendship that almost boarders on unhealthy obsession and devotion is endlessly fascinating. May I also just note that the obvious winner for this award, Ted, is absent because, despite what the rest of the population think, I consider it a puerile and generally awful mess of a film. End of story. 

Best Soundtrack
Django Unchained
Moonrise Kingdom
Rust and Bone
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Seven Psychopaths

If it had been any other year, and any other Wes Anderson film, then he would've got this award, hands down. But alas, compared to the sixties-filled extravaganzas of The Royal Tenenbaums and Rushmore, Moonrise Kingdom falls a little short, despite being one of my favourite Anderson films. So Django is a worthy choice. From start to finish, it is filled with catchy and joyously anachronistic songs, and has already become an album that I'm addicted to. Props also have to go to Rust and Bone's Bon Iver-fest, Beasts of the Southern Wild's beautiful and moving score, and Seven Psychopaths mixture of 60's soul and my all-time favourite song by The Walkmen. 

Most Irritating Character
Broomhilda VonShaft - Django Unchained
Cosette - Les Miserables
Every Tom Hanks character in Cloud Atlas
Debbie - This Is 40
Dan - I Give It A Year

You have no idea how awful it makes me, having to be horrible about a black female protagonist in a Hollywood film, but it has to be done. Broomhilda is an awful character, and it honestly baffles me that she comes from the same man to create Beatrice Kiddo and Jackie Brown. While I understand that she may just be fulfilling the duty of a woman in a Western, to me Broomhilda is essentially Django's Manic Pixie Dreamgirl - she is simply there to help him along his spiritual and physical journey. Washington's portrayal of her doesn't exactly help, as all she does is look scared and scream. Anyway, lets move along as I'm getting really annoyed now. I don't think I'll even begin to describe the ways in which each character on this list has annoyed me, as we'll be here all day. 

Best Screen Chemistry
Marion Cotillard and Mattias Schoenaerts - Rust and Bone
Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence - Silver Linings Playbook
Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Emily Blunt - Looper
Jared Gilman and Kara Hayward - Moonrise Kingdom

I decided to avoid the easy option here and go for Silver Linings as, while it's undeniable that Cooper and Lawrence do have good chemistry, it's a little schmaltzy for my liking. Cotillard and Schoenarts pairing seems better as they are completely engaging and believable as two people attracted to each other, despite the unusual circumstances of the film. Kudos also has to be given to Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Emily Blunt, as the pre and post-coital scenes they share together are simply electrifying. 

Best Effort
Leonardo Dicaprio - Django Unchained (and, inevitably, The Great Gatsby)

Oh Leo, it happened again, didn't it? Despite your method acting - even going as far to smash open a glass and rub your blood on Kerry Washington's face - you still missed out on all the awards. God knows how much he hates Christoph Waltz right now - first he stars in a film with Kate Winslet, then he steals his Best Supporting nomination. Just remember Leo, even if the Academy don't love you, we still do.

Grace Barber-Plentie